An honest, introspective self-evaluation will help us avoid transferring negative behaviors and attitudes to other people. At the same time, it will help us become the kind of people God wants us to be. The continued willingness to examine our own lives is an essential part of becoming the mentors that God wants us to be, the best mentor leaders we can be—destined to have the biggest possible impact on the people around us.

I use the teachings from this chapter to examine my own heart. Tony breaks it down into to key areas, and I have included some more excerpts from the book under each of those headings.

Dealing with the Past

The baggage of guilt, heartache, anger, bad times, or deep pain from the past is no respecter of wealth or poverty; gender, race, ethnicity, or culture; age, IQ, or education. It cuts across all would-be divides and differences. And it keeps us from becoming all we were created to be. It not only keeps us from believing in ourselves, but it also prevents us from realizing that God believes in us.

Your employer deserves your loyalty and whatever time it takes to perform your job. However, that job, that career, has to fit into your life in the appropriate place. It cannot be your life. It cannot be what defines you. It simply has to be one of the important priorities in your life. There may always be something else you can do to secure a client or land a sale, but you’ve got to learn to prepare to whatever level is appropriate and then walk away.

Knowing Your Strengths

Complementing our strengths with the strengths of others is a recipe for achieving great things together. I find it more useful—and I believe more theologically accurate—to recognize that God has created each of us with different abilities and strengths than to claim that He has limited our potential by instilling weaknesses in us. However, we have to recognize that He has given others incredible strengths and abilities as well, and it’s when we are able to humbly combine our strengths with the abilities of others that we really begin to have the makings of something spectacular, something for good. His good.

Action Steps

1. Take a look inside: Mentor leaders know who they are, what motivates them, and why they do what they do and react the way they react; and they are always ready to change in order to become all that God intends.
2. Evaluate your motives: Are you working for yourself? for God? for others?
3. Come to grips with your past: Get help if you need to. Effective leaders get past the past—the things that tie them down. They realize that forgiveness leads to freedom.
4. Be who you are. Mentor leaders lead as the people God made them to be, and they don’t try to be someone else.
5. Evaluate your priorities: Consider the order of importance you place on your relationship with God, your family, your work, your friends, and everything else. Be willing to reevaluate over time.
6. Take a look in the mirror: Recognize that God has given you incredible gifts, abilities, and strengths that are unique to you.
7. Complement your strengths with the strengths of others: Remember, not only were you created for community, but others were too. You were not created to do everything by yourself.

Here are a few important quotes from this chapter:

The mentor leader, by contrast, looks at how he or she can benefit others—which ultimately benefits the individual and the organization. Think about it. Even if you’re the most fantastic leader in history, you can’t do everything in your organization yourself. How much better would things be if you were building leaders who were building leaders who were building leaders? This principle of leader multiplication will reap great rewards.

So, when it comes to effective leadership, it’s not about you and what makes you comfortable or helps you get ahead. It’s about other people. It’s about serving God by serving others. That’s the mind-set of the mentor leader.

The vision, mission, and values we establish in life are the guiding lights for our lives and the lives of those we lead. Those three elements create the “goalposts” for the decisions and actions of our lives. They should direct and guide everything we do—and we should develop them prayerfully as we move forward.

This chapter made me think about he goalposts I’m helping to create in my life; for my family, at our company, at our church, and in our community. My time on earth has a relatively short, and undeniably finite limit. I can’t change that. But by focusing on others, starting with my family, I can create a legacy of faith, hope and love that will outlive me and make a difference in the world.

Action Steps

1. Evaluate your focus: Is it centered on benefiting others?
2. Evaluate your influence: Are you focused on developing your “coaching tree”—building leaders who build leaders, generation after generation?
3. Evaluate your audience: Are you able to preserve a long-term focus on growing others while at times appropriately exercising more direct control and involvement?
4. Look ahead: Know your vision, mission, and values, but remember that life is about the journey, too.
5. Focus on the present: What can you do today to build into the lives of the people around you? Don’t miss the now. Remember, tomorrow may never come.
6. Evaluate your vision: What do you hope the future will look like as you proceed?
7. Evaluate your personal and organizational mission: Does it clearly tell you and the world what you’re about, why you’re here, and why you have chosen these goals?
8. Evaluate your values: Are your “rules of behavior” consistent with your principles? Does your “rudder” steer you in a good direction for how you will behave and treat others?
9. Evaluate your approach with your family, team, business, friends, and others: Mentoring is a lifestyle.
10. Remember that mentor leadership is all about serving. Jesus said, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

As you may already know from seeing the trailer or ads, “Courageous” is the story of four police officers (and an unlikely 5th friend of theirs) that set out to become better fathers, better men of God, and better men. As a new father myself, I am very conscious of the example I’m setting for our young daughter as she grows up, and more cognoscente than ever before of how I love my wife.

When I did a Google search this morning looking for a copy of The Resolution to include here, I found some other, negative reviews of the movie. I can see the progression in acting, production value, story and so many other facets from this production company’s earlier films. I feel that “Courageous” is a great movie that should speak to every man’s heart. If all of us came just a little bit closer to The Resolution… we would be living in a much different world.

Here’s the Resolution:

I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. ~ Joshua 24:15

I am very blessed to have a group of men in my life that I can always be open and honest with, I am making The Resolution for myself and my family, and I know that my brothers will help me stick to it. We need more men of courage to change our world. Will you be one of them with me?

Sign into your Amazon.com account and click on the Your Account link at the top-right of the screen. Then scroll down until you see the section that says Digital Content and click on the Manage Your Kindle link.

You’ll see a screen of all the titles in your library. hover over the “Actions” button in the column of that book, and you’ll see some options like this:

Click on the “Loan this title” link, and you’ll see a brief form. And that’s all it takes!

Check out My Kindle page. If you see something in my Read list that you’d like to borrow, let me know!

TobyMac has a song by the same title on his most recent CD, Tonight. The message of the song, and then this book is simple; our cities (including whichever one you and I live in) should be on our knees, praying to to Holy Father for guidance and always willing to serve him.

This book is a collection of short stories from TobyMac and others; stories that embody those that are living out their lives of faith. As I read through the stories, it was cool for me to see how I knew some of them – including the stories of Rob Morris and Zach Hunter (modern day abolitionists) and Michael Ohr (whose story was made famous in “The Blind Side”). The first section of the book is titled “If We Gotta Start Sometime, Why Not Now?” and there’s a prayer at the end that was very memorable to me. I know a lot of people right around me who ARE answering the question “why not now” and this is my prayer TODAY.

Dear God,

Like so many people, I love my comfort zone. The well-known routes around my city. My favorite pit stops for a snack. The people who “get me.” The situations I can control. The stuff I am comfortable with. I like it when the rewards are certain and the risks are small.

I confess that even when I do make the effort to reach out to others, sometimes I don’t reach very far. I donate to familiar churches and charities – in amounts that don’t strain my budget.

God, please show me places in my life where I need to step across the line. Where I need to quit making excuses and start making a difference. It might be with a member of my family – someone I need to apologize to or make peace with. Or there could be a need in my city that I can help with. I might even need to jump on a bus or a plane and serve half a world away.

Whatever the case, please give me sharp eyes to see those lines – and the guts to step across them. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me. I know that only you are able to do this. I pray that you will show me, guide me, and lead me by your unrelenting grace and mercy.

Amen

~ TobyMac

And here’s the video to the song:

The first chapter of Tony’s book talks about how Mentor Leaders focus on the significance that they are building into other people’s lives; which is more important than any number of wins, quarterly earnings, or public appearances. That really hits home with me as I strive to pour into Ellie’s young life.

Here are a few important quotes from this first chapter:

Instead of asking, how can I lead my company, my team, or my family to a higher level of success? we should be asking ourselves, how do others around me flourish as a result of my leadership? Do they flourish at all? How does my leadership, my involvement in their lives—in whatever setting we’re in—have a positive and lasting influence and impact on them?

Mentor leaders understand that if we lose sight of people, we lose sight of the very purpose of leadership.

Leadership based on building significance into the lives of others is much more energizing in the long term than other types of leadership. The very nature of mentor leadership is that it endures and can be replicated. As we build into the lives of the people around us, one at a time, one-on-one, we have the potential to extend our positive influence through them into countless other people as well.

We need strong men to build into the lives of our younger men and boys. Not extraordinary people; just ordinary, everyday men who care enough to invest themselves—their time, attention, and wisdom—in the lives of others, whether as a part of their natural leadership environment or as an additional relationship they purposefully undertake.

Building a life of significance, and creating a legacy of real value, means being willing to get your hands dirty. It means being willing to step out in your life and onto the platforms of influence you’ve been given and touch the lives of people in need. Whether it’s in your business, your school, your community, or your family, if you want to make a difference in the lives of the people you lead, you must be willing to walk alongside them, to lift and encourage them, to share moments of understanding with them, and to spend time with them, not just shout down at them from on high.

I have a couple leadership opportunities ahead of me. I will be leading our mission trip to the Philippines in April, and I’ve recently been serving in KidZone at our church, working with the 2nd graders so far. I have opportunities for focus on eternal values and significance in each of those situations, and that’s what I plan to do.

Tony offers plenty of guidance and real-world examples throughout the text, and also has some Action Steps at the end of each chapter. Who will join me in accepting the mandate of a Mentor Leader?

Action Steps

1. Evaluate your integrity: Are your actions consistent with your words?
2. Evaluate your impact: Are you making lives better?
3. Evaluate your perspective: Do you see people as central to the mission of your organization? Or do you see them simply as the means—the fuel—to get your organization from here to there?
4. Evaluate your goals: Are you building relationships, or are you building a tower to climb to the top?
5. Mentor leaders see the opportunity to interact with people—and to build into their lives along the way—as part of the journey itself. How are you looking for ways to directly engage with and influence other people?
6. How does your leadership style need to change so that people will flourish and grow around you?
7. You can lead from a position of authority, but the most effective leaders lead as they build relationships of influence. What can you do to move from an authority-based model to an influence-based model?
8. Identify one person whom you can begin to mentor. Don’t look too far or too hard. The opportunity is right in front of you—at work, in your family, or with a friend. Granted, it could be a special situation, outside of your everyday circles of influence, like my relationship with Michael Vick. But more than likely, the person is someone with whom you already have a relationship.
9. Visit The Mentoring Project’s Web site (www.thementoringproject.org) and consider how you can get involved.
10. From your perspective, what is the difference between “success” and “good success”?

Repeat the person’s name back to him/her
In the course of conversation, be sure to address the person by name within the first few sentences, and then again before you part company. I’ve found that hearing the name a couple more times helps me to remember.

Tell an “accountability partner” the name
My most frequent opportunity to meet new people is at church. And when I meet someone new, I always return to my wife’s side and when we have a moment alone, I tell her the person’s name. And then I’ll ask her again “what was that person’s name” an hour or two later.

Write it down
When we moved into our house and began to meet our neighbors, I wrote names down on a piece of paper with arrows to where they live, in relation to our house. In hindsight, I should have made a diagram with boxes… but regardless, it’s the value of repetition and reminders once again. Also helpful to write down a couple notes or each person, like physical attributes and other things you may have learned about them.

So what other tips are out there? What do YOU do to help you remember people’s names?

I had the pleasure of serving with Lifeline in the summer of 2010. It was an opportunity for us to help with the rebuilding efforts, and touch lives in that community. Every day was very outward-focused as we served throughout Grand-Goâve, and it was one of best mission trips I’ve went on.

I didn’t know too much about Lifeline leading up to that trip. A couple of their current staff members were part of our congregation at MCC at one point, so I knew some of the hearts. But I didn’t know that they had been in Haiti serving for 30 years. I didn’t know that after the earthquake, they opened up their doors and brought in refugees from the community for months. I didn’t know that they had a church on their campus where people come to praise the Lord EVERY DAY of the week.

Lifeline, along with many other organizations, continue to work towards revitalization and NEW hope and promise in the nation of Haiti. My trip was 18 months after the quake, and I heard stories about how different things were from those that had been the year before. But today, there is still a great deal of work to do in that community, and across the nation.

You can learn more about this event, and sign up for a time slot today on the Lifeline Christian Mission site. I really enjoyed the opportunity to spend 12 minutes of focused prayer time for Haiti and Lifeline this morning, and I welcome you to do the same. Lifeline also provided this helpful Haiti 12-minute prayer guide with some specific needs and praises.

Let’s lift Haiti up in prayer today… and every day.

I love this story that Hugh shared in his book:

A good buddy of mine from Australia was speaking to pastors and shared how cattle ranchers who own thousands of acres would never dream of trying to fence in all their outback land. It would be simply impossible; they could never maintain it all, and eventually the dividing lines would be compromised anyway. So what do they do? Simple. Instead of building fences, they build really good watering holes. They know that at the center of every cow’s basic needs is a thirst for water. In terrain where drought is sure and water is scarce, if you build a well, trust me, the cows will come. In cow-speak, Jesus was the well, and people tended to be irresistibly drawn to him, especially those who had been abused by legalistic blockheads. If we are going to be apprentices of Jesus, we’re going to have to trade in our boxes and lines for circles.

So who’s with me… who wants to build circles???! Offer your ideas below.

By the way – if you want to see the other excerpts I shared from this book as I was reading, check this out: http://bit.ly/shaunwo-sacrilege

For the past several years, I’ve began the “One Year Bible” program, multiple times. Most years, I made it a daily habit for the first part of the year, fell behind by the summer, and then gave up figuring… “I’ll do it next year”. And honestly, didn’t have a whole lot of retention from those first several attempts.

So in January of 2011, I began the reading plan with earnest, determined to DO IT this year. I was keeping up, on track, and was enjoying reading from my Bible at the time. Then back in March, I bought a copy of The Case for Christ Study Bible. As I continued my reading program in that Bible, I was also drawn into the sidebars and further information they provide in that version. Reading continued nicely, and later on in the year I got The Case for Christ Study Bible on my Kindle as well. So I have the same version… electronic or not.

I didn’t quite meet my goal of finishing it in 2011. Close, but not quite. My retention isn’t quite what I want it to be yet either. But in 2012, I will begin a NEW plan. Just earlier this year, I learned that our Bible isn’t put together in Chronological order. Yes, really – I didn’t know that. I figured the best way for me to do it would be to add a schedule to my Google Calendar. I did a search, and found this blog post: http://www.kristarella.com/2010/03/custom-bible-reading-plan/.

I did something similar, and created a Google Calendar with a schedule to follow for the year ahead. It’s a shared Google Calendar, so if you’d like to join me on the journey, you can subscribe to the Calendar: https://www.google.com/calendar/embed?src=b5bt9pri8e6d21ocmjml5kknos%40group.calendar.google.com&ctz=America/New_York.

If you can’t start until some other point in the year, you could modify  this Chronological Bible Reading Plan .csv file and create your own Google Calendar. Who will join me in reading the Bible in this fashion in 2012?